Valhalla Knights is a lot like your ex-girlfriend -- there will be moments when you have a great time together, but you won't be able to shake the feeling that you can do better.

I'm all torn up inside, readers. See, Valhalla Knights succeeded at impressing me with fun, real-time combat, completely pissing me off with drawn-out quests and eventually driving me away due to the complete lack of anything resembling story progression.

From the get-go, you know things are a bit discombobulated in this title from XSEED Games. Out of nowhere you're tossed into a battle with a dragon, hit with a cut scene where you find out you're an important guy named Rastul and then wake up in an inn as a completely different character -- a completely different character suffering from amnesia.