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Worst blue ball moments of all time

StarJet | May 04, 2008 | Blog | Misc

Ever played a game for a very long time expecting a little bit of nice action, just to see it snatched away? Well, this list brings you the worst of those moments... EVER...
The top place is in fact won by the original Super Mario Bros. You probably know why, if you have played the game.

If we’re not jumping through hoops trying to save a kingdom, we’re fetching some rare Crystal Sword of Infinite Necromancy all out of the kindness of our hearts. What do we get in return? “Ah, gee thanks for risking life and limb to do a big ol’ fancypants favor for me and restoring our world to what it once was from the Dark Ruler of Naught. Here’s a medal, young adventurer. Never mind our bustling cleavage. Now get the hell out, street rat. Sorry ‘bout the hard-on.”

Whaaaaaa? Faster than you can unbuckle your tunic, our 30+ hour courtship is reduced to tee-hees and farewells. Surely, saving a princess or helping a fair maiden will reap just rewards, right?

Not even a harmless peck on the cheek? At least one date? Look, we play games for fun, but if developers are gonna make us sit through a ham-fisted plot and force feed us a love interest, at least provide some sort of worthwhile resolution - something PG-rated at the very least. It’s not fair to sucker us time and again into some dire situation because dangling in our face is the mythic ritual of knocking digital boots. And because we’re forced into caring about banging girls in games so much, we present to you the biggest blue ball moments in gaming.

News Story attached to:

Final Fantasy VII [PC, PSX]
Leisure Suit Larry [PC]
Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence [PS2]
No More Heroes [Wii]
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time [N64]
Super Mario Bros. [NES]
The Sims [GC, Xbox, PS2, PC]

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Comments

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0 thumbs!
tallteen86 | May 04, 2008

Problem with this, is that most of the games that involve this sort of 'hinted at' romantic subplot rate from E, to T...Some M ones though.

I'd like to play a (graphically appealing) RPG that actually leads to stuff....Well, Fable 2 should fit the bill quite well, actually....
1 thumbs!
TwilightPrince | May 04, 2008

Link gets *rooster*blocked all the time.

But no one has it as bad as Mario. Everytime he reaches the castle, he finds out that his *female dog* was taken to the next castle. DAMN!
0 thumbs!
joshuam | May 04, 2008

yeah i hate mario for that :@
you save peaches the browser takes her again
cor she should take martial arts or something
1 thumbs!
kik36 | May 04, 2008

Trying to save Princess Peach all the damn time does get pretty annoying.....You'd think Mario would find a new chick by now....LOL
- 0 thumbs!
  StarJet | May 05, 2008
  
  That is true love, my friend.
  It actually kinda looks like Peach loves to go back to Bowser or something. I mean, every time we find her, she says that another quest is available and goes back to Bowser! (Maybe she is the one who tells those bastards to put on those lame helmets. )
  - 0 thumbs!
    tallteen86 | May 05, 2008
    
    Well, there was an article or two about this. And they specifically state that she MUST be deliberately getting captured. She is a princess, she could arrange for much better security. The first kidnapping (possibly second) would likely be legit, but after that point, you'd think security would have her protected better than the president would be in wartime >_>
    
    One of them insinuated tha she and Bowser were having a torrid little love tryst >_>
0 thumbs!
Play ISDF | May 05, 2008

Link and Mario always have the worst. Save the princess, save the world, kick evil's butt, etc, then all you get is a simple thank you.
- 0 thumbs!
  tallteen86 | May 05, 2008
  
  I do believe Super Mario Land (My first SNES game) ends with you getting a kiss....Very G rated though >_> Just on the cheek, no lips...Mario seemed happy though