If we’re not jumping through hoops trying to save a kingdom, we’re fetching some rare Crystal Sword of Infinite Necromancy all out of the kindness of our hearts. What do we get in return? “Ah, gee thanks for risking life and limb to do a big ol’ fancypants favor for me and restoring our world to what it once was from the Dark Ruler of Naught. Here’s a medal, young adventurer. Never mind our bustling cleavage. Now get the hell out, street rat. Sorry ‘bout the hard-on.”

Whaaaaaa? Faster than you can unbuckle your tunic, our 30+ hour courtship is reduced to tee-hees and farewells. Surely, saving a princess or helping a fair maiden will reap just rewards, right?

Not even a harmless peck on the cheek? At least one date? Look, we play games for fun, but if developers are gonna make us sit through a ham-fisted plot and force feed us a love interest, at least provide some sort of worthwhile resolution - something PG-rated at the very least. It’s not fair to sucker us time and again into some dire situation because dangling in our face is the mythic ritual of knocking digital boots. And because we’re forced into caring about banging girls in games so much, we present to you the biggest blue ball moments in gaming.